The Death Note Diaries
by bluesoul389
Summary: Death note from the point of view of almost every character, with a funny, slightly drunken point of view. Vodka Induced apples, deathly vowel movements and much more fun.
1. Rebirth

Well, this is my first, full fledged fan fiction story. It's non-sensical, comedic, idiotic and to be honest, it has the capacity to make your I.Q drop. Yet, it is my first story, and I hope that in time, my writing skills will improve. Anyways, on to the point. Part one of the story is all about Light. His section will have around 20-25 brief diary entrances, all of which are in chronological order. The second part will be dedicated to L, the 3rd to Ryuk, 4rth to Misa, and so on with the task force members and various secondary characters. Now, although L is far my favorite character, entertaining to watch AND listen (His eloquent, melodic english voice is purely a delightful treat for one's ears), I decided to begin with Light, given his rather solipsistic, paradoxical and tedious view of the world, not to mention his hilarious arrogance.

Oh, and one more thing...I do not own death note, this is just a fan fiction story, no profits are being made, only hilarious insanity and hopefully some giggles will come out of this story.

Enjoy.

The death note diaries!

Part 1: Light Yagami

**14 February 2003**

_Dear diary:  
_  
The world is boring. It's always the same thing; people stealing, killing, having unsafe sex with each other (or with random objects or with animals), bad TV reruns, crappy reality shows, poor sense of fashion and a taste for senseless violence.

For starters, all of the violence in the world should be gone because I'm tired of standing out for being the good guy in my school. For once I wish I stood out for being the badass that I truly am but every time I do something bad, it always goes unnoticed. Like, this morning, I tried to get detention by giving my teacher the finger but it back fired and instead my actions were attributed to stress while Jimmy Watabe was given twenty detentions in my place, stealing my bad-ass-ness in the process.

Second of all, the world really needs to improve it's fashion sense. What's up with the recent hobo fad that's been going around? It's bad enough having millions of ridiculously dressed hobos walking the streets like zombies, eating our cats and living in cardboard boxes! We don't need to exacerbate the situation by dressing up like them! That's only sending the wrong message, which says that it is okay to never shower or try to look decent… and that idea is just immoral, for Prada's sake!  
If I had the power to make the world a better place, I'd somehow erase all the violence in the world and then I'd open a great big center for hobos who can't dress good and want to learn to do other stuff good too so that then everyone in the world would share the same amazing fashion sense I posses and my eyes wouldn't have to burn with people like Dennis Rodman ever again.

**March 23 2003:**

_Dear Diary:_

OMG! I FUCKING FOUND A NOTEBOOK THAT KILLS PEOPLE! FOR REAL! It all happened while I was walking around campus, thinking about what a waste life is in this boring world, was ready to become "emo" when I saw it, decided to pick it up and have fun with it out of curiosity!

When I first read the instructions in the back explaining that the name of the human written in the notebook would die, I thought it was nothing more than a joke, yet when the time came to test the notebook something in the back of my head forbade me from using it on just anyone, as If I already knew that there was a possibility of the whole thing being real so unconsciously my mind decided to make me do ugly evil doers as a precaution! I AM SO FUCKING AWESOME!!

A few hours ago I didn't know what to do with the notebook, so I seriously thought about killing political leaders in order to plant fear into the hearts of the world and make everyone do good, but then I realized that I just want to make life harder for myself and make things interesting so after I've killed a lot of people a brilliant detective will come after me and then a really sexy battle of the wits can begin, thus, earning me a billion fangirls in the process as well as showing off mah skillage, Mwahahahahah!! Besides I want to punish every single evil doer with my very own pen, and killing off the government would be too easy, AFNANFJHAFUNN !

**5 days later**

Some ugly ass creature thing with a radical sense of fashion came to talk to me. It ate my apples but that was just fine since it talked too damn much and I was beginning to lose myself in fantasies starring me as the god of a new, sexier, cleaner world. I would be so totally cool, hawt, gangsta and a lot of very awesome adjectives I can't think of right now. Eh, the creature named Ryuk is beginning to ramble again so I'll drug it with more of my vodka induced apples. YES, I INJECT ALCOHOL INTO MY FRUITS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW BAD-ASS I AM!


	2. Episode 2: Now, try to KILL ME !

March 31 2003  
Dear Diary:  
Not only am I pretty, talented and intelligent, but I also possess a graceful sense of humor. Like, last night while I was writing on mah death note, I decided to make a few of the criminals die creatively. This guy that used to crap in private properties was caught two days ago and I found out last night, so Ironically enough I wrote in my death note that the man would crap himself to death. I believe I invented a new illness since the symptoms I wrote on my death note have never been heard of. Let me see if I recall properly:

Victim soils himself/herself to death over a period of 24 hrs or less.

Excrement is pink with pastel purple shades.

The temperature of the excrement is slightly over 150 degrees Celsius.

Poop comes out of the victim's anus at an approximate velocity of 200 miles per hr.

I call this illness the pink panther. LOL.

April 5 2003  
Dear diary:  
I am pissed off and excited at the same time. You see, I knew that in the back of my head I wanted a detective to chase me and try to get me into jail in order to make my PWNAGE of the world much more interesting, but I only wanted this deep in the back of my head ! Kind of like when kindergartners want their little classmates to die because one of them stole their crayons! You want it, but you don't really mean it! WTF?? CURSE MY AWESOME LUCK THAT MAKES ME GET ANYTHING I WANT TO!  
Wait… I take that back...Mmm… I wish that at one point of our sexy battle of the wits we are handcuffed together! That way I can have more fangirls!  
Ruyk says I'm greedy. Just because I want power, money, women, everything the world's got to offer  
and absolute power is topping the list… damn… Ruyk and I have watched too much Fullmetal alchemist; maybe because Ryuk Idolizes greed's sense of fashion. As for me, my favorite character is Dante! She is so right! The world IS filled with people full of crap and only a few skilled individuals should have the power to control the masses and keep them in place.  
Oops, lost my original train of thought, where was I? Ah yes. L, as the detective calls himself, dared me to a mind battle by provoking me on what I at first thought to be an international television broadcast that later turned out to be a local broadcast. In the broadcast a very well dressed man calling himself L, Dared me to kill him with my powers. He called me evil and since I am NOT evil, I killed him. Mwahahaha. Turns out the dude was not the real L, only a decoy and in killing him I unfortunately not only revealed that I am in the Canto area of Japan but that I am able to kill without making physical contact…fuck. That's ok, I'll just have to hack into my dad's computer and steal some police files. If I work from inside, no one will be able to cut off my number of victims, not to mention I could do other fun stuff too.


	3. Dealings

**_DEALINGS_**

**November 28th 2003**

**  
**_Dear Diary:_

Damn it, some idiot called Raye Penber decided to follow me around and shit all over my happiness…and fucking Ryuk decided to wait, for the brief period of a couple of months, to let me know that someone had been following me around at school, watching over me after gym class, and most likely observing me sleep. For all Ryuk knew, this man could have been a rapist or something. Imagine what would have happened to the world if it's new God was killed, or worse, ravished? I wonder if the death note works on shinigami.

Anyways, because Raye annoys me, I have decided to get back at him and kill him before he informs the FBI of his suspicions. My brilliant plan came to me in a dream where Ryuk and I were riding an "apple-bus" down shinigami lane and a jerk with no sense of fashion and a gun decided to get in the bus to come with us to apple shinigami world.

So then it came to me. All I had to do was to find a hobo criminal (with no sense of fashion) to follow me around, along with some chic (because chicks make me look heroic) to be my date, and then I'd make sure Raye followed me around so that we'd all get in the bus, then the hobo would die because I had written so in my notebook, but not before threatening everyone in there, acting nuts, and then that would allow me to be heroic which would prompt Raye to be all heroic. All I'd have to do was pretend to doubt him thus making him show me his ID, in order to gain my trust, which would give me access to his name, unknowingly, allowing me to kill him as he went all batman on the criminal. Then all that would be left for me to do was to make the criminal see Ryuk which would make him go ballistic and die by running out of the bus in a frenzy, getting run over as It was written in my death note. Ehehehe.

And so I did all the crap I wrote in the previous paragraph. Just as I had predicted, Raye gave me his name, signing his death warrant. It's a shame he dresses so well, the day I kill him, the fashion world will mourn.

**December 11th 2003**

_Dear Diary:_

Everything is going just as planned…I have, hacked several times into my dad's computer and taken private information that has not been shared with the public. This will cause L to suspect the police and this will in turn cause the police to resent L, therefore generating a catfight of epic proportions.  
On a different note, I wonder how L looks in real life…most likely he's an oldfag, with no life. He probably has a pickle up his ass too, feels too important to give people other than himself a few minutes of his precious time and has reached his position of power by being a dick and destroying the lives of other innocent people.

I hate people like that.


End file.
